so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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