So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
