hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
