Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
