In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You don't make any sense
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