Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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