I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
