I think I died a long time ago.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
