He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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