I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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