Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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