i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
