i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
