just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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