It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
