it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
