did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
