Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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