I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
