fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
