i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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