Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
