there's paper in my vomit.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
