I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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