I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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