Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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