My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
