There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
