you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
