I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
