Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
