how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
