she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
