I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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