I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
