We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
