i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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