I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
