I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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