I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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