I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
