my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You have to summon your inner elephant
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
