Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
