you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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