Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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