there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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