I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
