In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
