Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i came on her dog
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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