Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
