Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
