Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
